I lied when I said I held no expectations for you .
When deep inside , i yearned for you to pull me back when I walk away
& hold me for a kiss .
I lied when I said I was kidding about wanting you to stay
that you could leave whenever you wanted to
when deep inside , I wanted you to insist you’ll stay .
I lied when I said I would stop replying if you continued being controlling
That was exactly how I wanted to be treated .
Dominated and contaminated .
I lied when I said I wanted to be left alone
I just wanted you to assure me you’ll be there for me .
I lied when I said I don’t like you to be clingy
I was just afraid my inner self would take charge and I’ll restrict you
i lied every time I said I’m fine
I never was .
I’m sorry that I love you so absurdly and skeptically
I’m sorry that I’m twisted .
She fought back against her tears as she continued to write in her book .
She labelled this , the book of suppression : the things I never told you .